Today I feel emotionally drained. I’ve cried lots of tears after watching so many heartfelt programs and movies on BYU TV. I know that sounds kind of silly but it’s true. I found myself thinking about and missing my wonderful missionary son.
The day he left was a really hard day for me. I had so many emotions going through my mind. He was a bundle of excitement and eagerness and I was a huge mess! To be quite honest I’m hesitant to share any of this because when I posted my feelings on facebook (big mistake!) I got a lot of unsolicited advice and comments. I was told to be grateful, not to worry, I should know he’s in a good place and on and on.
Most of those people don’t read my blog so it really doesn’t matter anyway. My entry today isn’t for anyone but me. I have these feelings and rather then keeping them inside I decided to write them down. I don’t want advice or to be comforted I just want to let them out.
I don’t think that missing my son makes me a less than stellar mom it just makes me a mom who loves and misses her son. I have no doubt that he is in a wonderful place. I have no doubt he’s where he’s suppose to be. There is no place else I would want him to be. I raised and did my best to prepare him for missionary service. It’s what I prayed for his whole life. I am so grateful Heavenly Father answered my prayers. I always knew he would be an exceptional missionary.
Nevertheless, today I am missing him and having what I call “a mom day”. The day Ammon left my wonderful visiting teacher showed up out of the blue with a jar full of m&m’s for when I have one of those “mom days”. Unfortunately my jar is empty. I really haven’t had a lot of “mom days” I just ate them because I love m&m’s. I just couldn’t stop myself. I could have used a few today though.
Last week he had a really hard week and I wish I could have been there to give him a huge hug. I’m grateful that I can give him a hug through my prayers. I know that listening to conference will definitely give him encouragement and lift his spirits. I look forward to hearing from tomorrow. I know he will have a lot to say about conference.
I think conference is why I miss him so much. We have always loved conference weekend. We always have what we call conference trivia. We would all take notes and Alan would put together questions to ask everyone. We had prizes and it was a lot of fun. Last year we played via texting.
This year however, there was no conference trivia. Sam doesn’t take notes he just doodles, Monica didn’t really watch and we never heard any interest from Leah. Not it would have mattered because it’s not fun unless everyone participates. Oh well, I guess life goes on.
Well, I guess that’s pretty much it. I’m hopefully done with the weeping. I look forward to tomorrow and hearing from Ammon. It’s my favorite day of the week. I sit on the edge of my seat waiting for his emails.
And may I say, that I know where to go when my emotions get the best of me. I get on my knees and pray to the father for comfort and peace. I know that his love and assurance is all I need. I know Heavenly Fathers listens with no judgment. He knows my heart and doesn’t think less of me because I’m having a “mom day”.
